God, Nathan, and the tire

Today was a hard day. VERY hard.

Yesterday, I noticed that I had a bubble in my drivers side tire. This could be dangerous so I thought that I would take it in this morning to have it looked at by Sears. Plus, it was still under warranty.

I left the house with Nathan as soon as the bus picked Zack up and arrived at Sears at about 8:45 am. I explained the problem, and they said they would take a look. I asked them to call Darrin on his cell to explain what had to be done, instead of being the in-between since he is the one who calls the shots as far as the cars go.

So Nathan and I set off into the mall (which isn't open yet for another hour) and head to Target. I figure i had an hour or so to kill (ha ha) so we'd go look at the toys.

About noon, I get a call from Darrin. Apparently, they are having a hard time taking the lug nuts off the tire and may have to break them. If they were to do this, they would have to order new ones, wait for them to be delivered, and then finish the job. Well now, mind you, I only have ONE CAR!! this means I have to stay at the mall for another what..three hours?? At this point I am crying because Nathan is way past his nap and everyone knows it.

1 pm. Still, can't get the lug nuts off when I am back to check on the progress. I call Darrin crying. Nathan is UNBEARABLE at this point. I have let him walk, run, play with toys, fed him, gave him candy..you get the idea. He is screaming. Darrin calls them back and magically..they have the lug nuts off and it should be ready in 10 minutes. I head back to get the car.

They hand me the keys, I buckle the kid in..and he settles with his blankie to go to sleep. I drive away. As I reach the end of the parking lot...I hear "thump..thump.." and it feels like the tire is moving!! At this point I feel like I am going to lose my mind. We head back

I unbuckle Nathan and go back in. There is a line at the counter, and three people ahead of me. Nathan announces to me that he is now going to head butt me. "mom, I head butt you" and proceeds to do so..three times. I stearnly tell him to stop, but then he decides to pinch me. Then he decides to bite me. As I sit here typing this a few hours removed from the situation, I realize he was exhausted. He didn't know what to do with what he was feeling. I was feeling just as frustrated with things as he was, except I can't bite anybody!

The lady in front of me just looked at me.
The man in front of her realized I was sobbing and asked if I was ok. I just nodded my head.

They took the car back in and apologized for not tightening two of the lug nuts on the tire. OK, I don't have to explain to you what could have happened to us with loose lug nuts.

I often ask God what he is trying to teach me through Nathan. It is more than just patience. I was proud of myself today as I was getting bitten, head butted and scratched. I could have pinched his little keester to try and get him to stop. I didn't. I could have yelled, but I didn't probably because at that point I was too tired. I stood there and took what he did, and cried.

After we got back in the car, he fell asleep almost immediately. I looked back at his little face. I love this boy so much. No matter what he does to me, I love him. He couldn't help himself today.

God loves me. No matter what I do to him, he loves me. I have a choice. I sin. I forget to pray. I forget to talk to him. he loves me! How dissapointed is God when I do these things to him? It saddens him beyond what I can imagine, but he loves me.

In the same way I love my son, God loves me. He looks at me the same way I looked at my son sleeping today, after this terrible horrible day. He loves me. No matter what. Maybe that's what I need to learn.