Just a Friend

I didn't grow up knowing "things". Some of those things were important. I'm not sure why I wasn't taught these important things. Was it to protect me? (probably not) It's more likely that issues weren't discussed because they were uncomfortable. Let's just say for the grown-ups in my life, talking wasn't a strong point.

Fast forward many years and I'm a mom. Like most of us, we want to raise our children better than we were raised. Even for some who had a great childhood, this can be true. But if you're not taught some things as that child, it can show when you are an adult.

Some good friends were over a couple of years ago. (You know who you are, and you're probably going to kill me for saying this AGAIN, but my ignorance sometimes shocks me) My friends have two GREAT kids. They were adopted. The boy was fooling around making silly noises and running around, and we were laughing with him. The boy is African-American and I made an inappropriate comment. A comment that I didn't know was wrong. A comment that could be considered racist. The boy didn't hear me. My friend immediately recognized that I didn't know what I said. She graciously explained the meaning of it and I was horrified. WHAT? I didn't know. The next day I talked to her, cried, and aplogized (again) for being so ignorant. I'm sure she's tired of hearing this, but I tend to be hard on myself and that is something I will never forget.

Fast forward again, two years later.

The other day, I was in Walmart and we were at the checkout. While we were walking away, Zack (8) says "That boy had POOOFY hair!" I explained that because he is African-American, his hair has a different texture and when it grows, it's like that, and that's the way he wants to wear it. Zack then said, "That's cool! I want hair like that". I told him that his hair can't grow like that. He told me that sometimes when his friend's (the above mentioned boy) hair grows, it's a little poofy like that. "Yes honey, that's because he is African-American." You should have seen his face.

WHAT?

Zack: But mom, then he's adopted?
Me: Yes...(I thought he knew, but why would he?)
Zack: Oh
Me: You know how his mom and dad have the same skin color as us?
Zack: Yes
Me: And your friend has dark skin?
Zack: Yes

The conversation continued for a few more minutes, and I realized something.

He never saw the color of his skin. He just saw his friend. It didn't matter that his parents are white and that his friend wasn't. His friend was his friend, that's all. He belonged to his mom and dad, no matter what his color was.

Oh how I wish that's how everyone thought over the age of 8.

But, it also got me thinking.

I also didn't care about someone's color growing up. It wasn't because of some lessons I was taught, it wasn't intentional, it just was the way it was. While watching Gone With the Wind and The Help recently, I was appaled. My husband laughed at my seemingly non-existant American History education. And because these important things weren't discussed, I wasn't taught the valuable lessons that would have made my first example non-existant.

 How do I expand on this revelation that was made to my son? I need to teach him the important things. It means a loss of innocence for him unfortunately, but I can stand to learn a few things myself.

Just BE!

Monday, Zack had the day off from school. Nathan didn't, so I asked Zack if he would like to have breakfast with me. He was THRILLED! So we dropped off Nathan and headed to our local bagel shop.
We grabbed a table, and waited for our food. Immediately, he asked to play a game on my phone. I looked at him and said "seriously? No way! Let's just sit here and enjoy each other's company and talk." He didn't give me a hard time at all, and we started talking about stuff.
As I get up to get our food, I notice a mom and maybe kindergarten age daughter sitting at the table next to us. The little girl was eating her bagel, and the mom? Well, she was tap-tap-tapping away on her phone. She didn't look at her daughter, didn't say one word to her the whole time they were there. That little girl didn't say a word either, just sat there quietly, eating her bagel.

COME ON!!!

I wanted to shake this mom. Is a game, text or whatever you are doing SO IMPORTANT that you would waste this little time you have with your daughter? I felt so terrible for that little girl. And don't tell me that there had to be a reason she was so engrossed in that phone. Nothing is more important than one on one time with your child. Every time I get to have that time (and with four its not easy) I cherish it.


Are we so addicted that we cannot, even for 30 minutes put it down and enjoy who is actually there with us? That we feel we have to plan every second of every day into the future? That we have to fill up our time down to the last second? I think this is a serious problem. We have become so addicted that it's sort of like an induced attention deficit. When we don't have that shiny thing in our hands we feel like we're forgetting something, or we don't know what to do with that brain in our heads. Whoa, think? You mean I actually have to think and use this thing in my head? I actually have to know how to talk to people and not this Siri pretend person?

What do you think that little girl will remember when she thinks of breakfast with her mom? Maybe she won't remember at all!

As for Zack, he thanked me for taking him. When I dropped him off at a friend's house for the afternoon, he didn't want me to leave. I asked him why, and he explained that he enjoyed our time together so much and didn't want it to end. I KNOW he will remember this morning. And his memory will not be of me on the phone.

PLEASE! Put the phones away. Actually communicate with who you are with. Stop running in circles and just......BE.

Are there voices in my head? Maybe I'm just tired.

I love to bake. Cake pops in lovely designs, cupcakes,cakes and now I am delving into the adventure of homemade ice cream. So when Amelia asked if she could have a little early birthday swim party with her girlfriends, I immediately pictured cake pops. Cake pops in the shape of beach balls! Wow, how cute would that be? Then, I could crush up graham crackers so they would be sitting in the sand. Sounds great, right?
Well, lately I've been having some "issues" with things that aren't turning out the way they used to, or should. My ice cream hasn't been freezing, and the cake pops which I decided to do the night before (thank God) stuck to the cake plate so bad that when I tried to pick it up the stick came out. Forget serving this stupid non-beach ball mess to these girls. So it's 10:30 pm and I am standing in my kitchen deciding what to do. Literally, I was singing the Yo Gabba Gabba song to myself "Don't give up, never give up, keep trying" whoa Nelly, DJ Lance is not a voice you want playing in a loop in your head before you fall asleep." Wait a minute, wait a second" (please someone get these annoying voices out of my head! That one happens to be Fred)I just got that cool book from the library two days ago! The one with all the great techniques for making great cakes, the one that will make your kids love you and friends wonder just hoooow you do it. I look at the clock. 10:45! I'm tired. I start to argue with myself. Let me just start a cake from scratch. No! Go to bed! But what? A STORE BOUGHT CAKE?? Oh, the horror! "No!!" (Darth Vader here). I decide that the voices telling me to go to bed are going to win, there will be a store bought cake, and it's ok, she'll love me anyway.

Sharpening arrows, keeping the bow strong.

Being a parent is hard!
I wish someone had told me how hard it would be. It's just amazing that one day,that baby that you were cuddling through the long, dreary nights would grow up and test, test, test your last nerve.
That's thier job, I guess.
And the ache you felt when they couldn't sleep, or scraped a knee, would change from that to an ache you feel deep in your heart when they disobey. When they lie, or when they sneak something. That ache comes from having to punish them, to give them consequences that match the actions. You know you have to do it. You know that in order to raise this child to be the father, husband, and man of God you want him to be, it has to be done. You know it's not going to really kill him, but to him it feels like it. And because of that, it will kill you. It's so much easier to look away, to pretend like you didn't see. It's so much easier to keep EVERYONE involved happy.
But we do it. Because we love them. Because too, that in order for them to be happy in the future, you must correct it now. Better to be a little unhappy now, then to not teach and correct which will lead to bigger problems later.

So we trudge on. We sharpen our arrows and reinforce our bows so that we can launch them into the future sharp and ready for what will come their way when we aren't able to kiss their boo-boos anymmore.

Great Moments

Sometimes each day feels like a struggle. Ever have those days where every minute feels like an hour?
As I was sitting here with the little guy this morning, watching his "wake up" TV show, I suddenly remembered how when he was a baby, the entire TV stand was gated off. We started by just placing a plastic gate around it, but as he grew and outsmarted us, we started tying it to the stand. I honestly don't' recall when we removed it. I just know it's not there anymore. I do know that he's not interested in touching the cable box or inserting things into the VCR (you know what that is, right?) anymore, but I'm not sure how he progressed past that phase.
Life keeps going, children grow, and it often happens so fast that we don't know what got us to to where we are. This can help us to remember to slow down a little.
Yesterday, I took this same little guy to DD to get a raspberry iced tea to share at the park. When we got to the park, I was the only crazy mother there because it was so darn hot! It was early in the morning so it wasn't too bad yet. We ran and ran together, and went on the slide. It was fun to be a kid again, and we had some really great moments!
One day, he won't be so little. He won't even want to go to the park anymore. So I encourage you, play at the park like no body's watching!
When the day drags on and feels like forever, I need to just look around.
I have another "little guy" (to me), that is driving. Or, I can look back. No more gates around the TV.
It's easy for me to say "Enjoy each day." when I am posting this at 10 pm and it's quiet. I really dislike it when I am having a hard day and someone says "Enjoy this time, it goes so fast" How can you enjoy aggravation? Between five pounds of flour spilled purposely on the kitchen floor, to teens who are striving for more independence, it's enough to drive even the most even-tempered mom crazy!
So what I am going to try to do is to try and enjoy each great moment. Really be present. Not thinking of the other child who is trying you to your last nerve, or that huge to-do list. Be there, fully, in that great moment.
Maybe then, instead of hours and minutes feeling like forever, they won't feel like long enough.

Photo Challenge

I am entering a photo challenge by the Paper Mama. The challenge is "yellow".

Wish me luck!

Yellow Photo Challenge

I am entering a photo challenge by the Paper Mama. The title for the photo challenge is "Yellow".

Here's my entry:

Wish me luck!

He Fell In

Years ago before we lived here, we looked at a house. This house had an inground pool. But, there was no fence around that pool. Zachary was a baby at the time,and I was terrified about this pool. We were in the process of scheduling inspections, ect. and all I could think about was this pool! I did research on fences, main drain covers, you name it. Daily nightmares of a silent drowning haunted me. I drove Darrin CRAZY with the constant questioning and statistics.
That house didn't work out for other reasons.
Then, we happened upon this house. Which, of course, has an inground pool. It's fenced in but not really to MY standards so anyone who knows me knows I am MILITANT about safety around the pool, and the yard that has the pool in it. Our first year here, I made the kids sign a CONTRACT detailing the pool rules. This will be our third summer enjoying the pool, and although my anxiety about it has calmed down a bit, it is still in the back of my mind. Nightmares only happen maybe once now when we are in the process of opening the pool.

Today I was vacuuming the pool and Nathan was with me. He was standing RIGHT NEXT TO ME. He had a life jacket on because that's my rule with him. He is not allowed in the pool area without his life jacket. Why? Because he could accidentally fall in. And that's what happened.

He had a little fish net and was helping me skim the bugs from the deep end, and reached a little too far. He fell in, face first. I grabbed him by the ankles and pulled him from the water. Poor guy couldn't catch his breath for a second and when he did he just screamed and cried. One of the things I am good at is "mommy emergency mode" I was very upset, but so was he, so I flipped the switch and just talked calmly to him saying "its ok, just wipe the water from your eyes" and "you're ok" over and over. When I started saying "wow Nathan, that water was cold, huh?" he then smiled and said he wanted to go inside.

My child was right next to me and yet fell in. In the deep end. Maybe my fears (of unknown origin) all these years prepared me for something like this. He always wears a life jacket in the pool area unless Darrin or I am trying to teach him something in the water. He is always at arms length. My "eyes are peeled" (the kids love that saying, btw) when he is out there with us. You just never, never know.

PSA here: Please, please, please. DO NOT allow your young children that cannot swim out of your sight for ONE second near water. Don't let anything distract you. If a friend is over, say "I am listening when you are talking to me, but I am watching my child so don't think I am ignoring you". If they can't swim, invest in a life jacket. $25 bucks can save your child's life. If you have a pool or spa, invest in locks for doors that lead out to the area. Help them at a young age learn how to get to the side of the pool if they fall in. Nathan will be learning that over the next few weeks. If it can happen to militant, contract making me, then it can happen to anyone.

Now that he's asleep tonight, the image of that split second I saw him in the water, face down with his curly locks floating from his head won't leave me. It probably won't fade for quite some time. That's ok though, the image will prevent me from ever becoming complacent. I can hear Darrin snickering now "yes, like that would ever happen!"

Thank you God for the way things turned out today.

Mother's Day

Well, I told you I would post about Mother's Day.

Usually, we don't do anything on Mother's Day but hang out together at home. No restaurant, ect. It's a day like any other except that I don't have any "chores" to do.

Now, as my husband knows, I did not marry him for his planning ability. I am the planner. I married him in big part because he has a great sense of humor, which I, have NONE.

So, when on this Mother's Day, he decided to surprise me with an outing, I was super excited! Last year for my birthday, he tried to surprise me too (to Carlo's Bake Shop) but Nathan got sick and we couldn't go. (You see where this is going, right?)

We hurried out of church (see previous post) and after all of that commotion was through, began what he explained would be an hour and a half drive. I didn't know where we were going, but I didn't care. He was surprising me! He planned this!

One half hour into the trip, we passed our house, and headed onto Route 17 M. As we were driving onto the ramp to merge onto the highway, we all heard a "clink" like a piece of metal in the road. I turn to look out my window and see a square shaped metal object flying in the air which lands on the ground. Hmmm..what was that?

Darrin looks a tiny bit concerned, but we don't pay it much mind.

As we head onto our next highway, we notice that the air-conditioning quit. Ut Oh. Then, 40 minutes away from home, the engine temperature gauge starts rising. BEEP, BEEP our van tells us in a very panicky way.

Our engine is going to fry if we don't stop the car. So we pulled into a Quick Chek, and ordered some sandwiches.

It is very soon determined that yet again, Darrin's plans would fail, and we would need to get home.

Everyone was disappointed.

Dare I ask where we were going?

http://www.walkway.org/visit-walkway/item/general-information

Whaaah! That was going to be so much fun! What beautiful sights we would see! No fair!

After we ate our sandwiches, we decided to try to head back home, slowly. We didn't get very far when the car started screaming at us again, so we pulled into the closest place we could. Darrin got out of the car, and called his cousin who is a mechanic. I got on my phone to text friends for prayer. I didn't know how we were all going to get home. Darrin raised the hood of the car, and I looked up, only to see a cross, just above the hood. Turns out we had pulled into a Catholic High School which has a cross perched high on top of the building. The way the hood was up, I could only see the cross, just above our hood.

Lately, I have been reminded to try to find the good in things, and give thanks for everything.

(1 Thessalonians 5:18)

This means that we don't have to give thanks for every turn of events in our lives, but we should cultivate a thankful spirit, giving thanks for the good things in our lives, looking for the blessings God has given us in the situation.

In this situation, I was thankful for a husband who kept calm, and a cousin on the phone trying to help. I was thankful for a DVD player that kept Nathan entertained for a little while. And, I was thankful for my husband's planning that day, because he packed a cooler of drinks with ice. He was able to put the ice where the coolant usually goes, and that got us home.

So, once again my dear husband tried to surprise me, only to have it fail. I didn't get to see the beautiful views from The Walkway, but because I chose to see the good in the situation, I did get to see some beautiful views right here in my own backyard. Really, nothing can compare.

Always making me laugh!

It was bound to happen!

One thing that I notice is that when I meet someone for the first time and we start talking about our lives, their eyes get super wide when I mention my four children and their age ranges. FOUR! Wow!
For me, four children has never been harder then I can handle. (Five, well, that would be a different story and not one I will ever experience.) Or so I thought. Last Sunday, Mother's Day, really hit me over the head.
We went to church, brought two of our children to their Sunday school classes, and listened to our Pastors message. Darrin had told the children to hurry up after church, no doughnuts today, we are going to surprise mommy so get right in the car. So, I picked up Nathan from the nursery and headed out to the car. We're all settling in and chatting about the surprise, and Darrin says we have an hour and a half ride so we better get moving. A man named Vaughn happened to be walking out of church and saw us, so he stopped to chat for a minute. He looked in the car, and spoke to each child and just as we were saying "OK, we better get going" he says to us "WAIT! Where's Zachary???"

Turns out I never (or anyone else) got him from his Sunday School class. Yikes! We forgot to get him!

I was mortified. How could I have done that? Well, you say, it's because you have FOUR children. No way, that's no excuse. Honestly I am still getting used to the very important rule that he is not allowed to leave the classroom without someone going to get him. BUT STILL!!!

Thankfully, my family and Vaughn decided to give me grace by making a joke about the scene in Home Alone and easing my mommy guilt a bit. It was Mothers Day after all.

So I RUN into the church where Zachary and his Sunday school teacher are still waiting, and then again, receive grace when his teacher says "No problem, I was just going to take him to my house for a BBQ". And my Zachary, again, gives me grace my laughing and saying "hey mom, I'd really like to go to that BBQ one day!"

Yes, I almost left a child behind. But this Mothers Day, I received grace from friends and family. What more could a very busy mom of four ask for?

(next post, the rest of the day which included our car breaking down)

Don't Blink!

The strangest thing has happened. I blinked. In the second it took to blink, my oldest son was behind the wheel. Wait a minute! Wasn't I just buckling him in his car seat? Let me check, do his feet REALLY reach the pedals?

Yes, they do.

I took him to get his permit on his birthday. To him, this was a great birthday present. Of course he passed the written test with flying colors and the officials decided to entrust my 16 year old with a 2 ton machine that if not used properly, could result in tragedy.

Wait, where was I? Sorry.

So, he was happy that finally, after a year of counting the hours, minutes and seconds, he was rewarded with the privilege (see the underline?) of driving. I must say, he is a very cautious driver. Then again, a lot of these "backwoods country" (Thanks Lori, love that!) roads don't have lines so he has to judge which is the correct side of the road to drive on. Remember when people heard you were going to start driving? "I'll make sure to stay off the sidewalks" is what they used to say. From recent experiences, I'd say that's a good idea.

Being on the passenger side of the car your child is driving (and in your minds eye he is still buckled in his car seat drinking out of a cuppie while doing this) is hard to describe. If you want to imagine entrusting your life to your "little boy", that's exactly what it's like. Glad I was a pretty decent mom to him!

To all of you still buckling your babies in, take this as advanced warning. Oh wait. That's me too.

Happy Birthday to my forever baby. You're a great young man.

Happy Mother's Day Everyone!

A New Look!

So after HOURS of working on this, here's the new look of the blog!

Also, I have decided to post this blog to Facebook. Welcome, new readers! To read previous posts, click on the archives on the left side. Let me know what you think, and make sure to subscribe via e-mail so you are updated automatically when I post something new.

Old movie review

The Passion of The Christ

(and why I dislike it)

Yes, you read right. I don't like the movie. Darrin and I saw it in the theater years ago (we walked in a little late though) and we haven't seen it since. So, on Easter (duh, not the right day to watch it) after the kiddos were asleep, we decided to watch it on Netflix. Now, since it was so many years ago since we saw it, I didn't remember much. Except that I didn't think I liked it.

I remembered correctly.

One reason why I don't like it include feelings that I know Mel Gibson wanted to stir. Feelings of outrage, sadness, and overwhelming helplessness as I watched Mary watch her Son suffer. Although I was a mother when I went to the theater to see it, somehow three more children added to what I was feeling as a mother now.

I also didn't understand a lot of the movie. Some of which I must now investigate further. I'm sure that is because of my lazy approach to studying the Bible. Like, (OK only my friends read this so I'm safe from judgement) how did the Romans and the Jews talk to each other? In what language? How did they understand each other? It sounded like one was speaking Italian, and the other Hebrew. Feel free to post the answer, and even to say "DUH ANNE!! Get reading that Bible of yours!!!!"

The Satan character in the movie really scared me! It felt more like a horror movie to me, and I HATE horror movies. My horror movie watching started, and ended, with Freddy Kruger. The first one, I mean. So when, at the end, Satan is following Jesus, AND, carrying a baby Satan, that was just over the top! And what was that baby Satan anyway?

I got to thinking about Judas. Dare I say it? Poor Judas. Yes, yes, he betrayed Jesus. With a kiss at that! But, think about it. Judas was born for this specific purpose. He was chosen, and born, to betray Jesus. That was his destiny. So, although he did what he did, I feel kinda bad. Every single person was chosen to do what they did, including the soldiers, Pilate, and the man who helped Jesus carry his cross. All leading up to the sole purpose of getting Jesus to the cross to be crucified, so we could be forgiven.

When the crow pecked at the thief's eye, the Roman soldier shoos him away. Who cares at that point? They seem so nasty that you would think he would've let the crow eat his whole head off!

And, finally, the end. Oh Mel...I do understand that this entire movie was based on the last 12 hours of Jesus' life. But, I do wish that you would have put the same vigor and enthusiasm you invested into the two hours and 55 minutes, into the last 7. I sat and watched my Lord be tortured for that long, at least make the happy ending a little better.

What are your thoughts?



Rainy Day Walk

 Someone was very happy when I suggested we go for a walk on this rainy, cold day!

 Mommy, do you hear that?

 We live on such a pretty road and Nathan's getting a little better about listening, so I can let him go ahead a bit.

 Course he found a great big stick to dig in the freezing puddle with.

 "Here squirrel, an acorn for you!"

Oh look, there's my friend across the street!

Let me see how fast I can run through this puddle!

Ahh....nice and snuggly by the fire with mommy. This really warms my little toes. The perfect ending to a rainy day walk.